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Mass Effect 2 Review

Head on over to Resolution to read my review of one of the greatest games ever made.

http://resolution-magazine.co.uk/content/review-mass-effect-2/


Gordon Brown in the Sims part 2

And so we return to Sunset valley and the complete mis-adventures of Gordon Brown.

After Tony Blair pisses off home, our hero decides to have a bit of a dance to celebrate:

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The next day Gordon Brown heads into town to buy some more boring books about finance and possibly even a book about murder. He also goes to the grocery store and buys an egg. Afterwards he sees a political rivals car in the parking lot and goes round the back to scratch it with his keys. Unfortunately as our Gordon isn’t very good at stealth he gets collared by a local copper by the bins.

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He cant even look at the officer, the shame is too much!

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In a humiliation fuelled rage Gordon fucks off round the corner where he sees a meat head wearing an ‘I ‘heart’ Tony Blair’ t-shirt. Its all just too much and he snaps. Slapping the man in the face.

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Jesus Christ…

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Enraged, Gordon decides to visit the local library to try and calm down by trolling an internet forum.

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It works and he decides to go to the beach for a BBQ cook-off contest.

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Nobody talks to him, in fact everybody steers well clear of the miserable shit even though his hotdogs win the contest!

Lost in his own thoughts of despair, he tries a spot of night fishing. He doesn’t catch anything .

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Then suddenly he spies a glinting from the corner of his eye. Its a chunk of raw silver! He quickly sprints to it before anyone else gets it.

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That will add nicely to Gordon’s treasury.

Now then, I’d like to apologise for forgetting to take a few screen shots as I was too wrapped up in the game.

intermission

Gordon’s new political career has surprisingly been going rather well, working his way back up from polishing podiums to a full blown campaign to become the Mayor of Sunset Valley,he has also made a couple of acquaintances and invites them over for a campaign fund-raiser. he even invites Tony. The party gets off to a cracking start with everybody dancing around Gordon’s hovel like people possessed! Gordon even wears jeans!

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Gordon and Tony start to ‘Get down’!

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No idea who the child with extremely premature greying hair is, probably one of Tony’s ‘friends’.

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Tony and Frank Oz do some bizarre dance that I cant even comprehend but blows my mind anyway. Screenshot-60

All the guests and even Gordon have a fabulous time and donate a ton of cash to Gordon’s campaign fund. Overjoyed, Gordon goes to bed and sleeps soundly without the terrible nightmares for the first time in his life.

The next day Gordon is a changed man. Instead of wearing his trademark black suit he wears something a little more casual and even goes for a bike ride!

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He’s so happy that later at the park, Gordon gets back to nature catching butterflies.

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Screenshot-68Things could really be looking up for Gordon Brown and for now his face is a little less the pallid grey colour of a month old rotting corpse.

Will Gordon Brown become mayor or Sunset valley? Will Gordon and Tony’s friendship dissolve into chaos again? Will Gordon find true love?

All these questions will be answered soon!…if I can be arsed.


Adventures with Gordon Brown in The Sims 3

Meet Mr G Brown:

ScreenshotAfter ‘epic failing’ his last political attempt he has moved to Sunset Valley to start his political career afresh. He arrives at his house on Sunday morning looking as grey and miserable as ever. Whilst surveying his new lodgings he spies his neighbour who is also moving in this day.Screenshot-2

But wait, this guy looks familiar…no its cant be…can it?

Screenshot-3Oh god it is him, its Tony Blair. Of all the wretched luck! Brown decides to ignore Tony for now and enters his new abode. Feeling peckish he decides to slurp up some very boring soup in a very boring way. Just look at that miserable face…

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He then gets a boring bath of despair. Oddly he appears to be a good mood.

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After his bath Brown decided to have a wander round his new town which looks very much like Hill Valley from ‘Back to the future’:Screenshot-15All it needs is Doc Brown sliding down a wire from the clocktower in a thunderstorm.

Mr Brown wanders around for a while, looking with distain at the people and town he will ruin economically. Clutching his favorite book and trying not to touch anything he wanders over to the park in the middle of town where he bumps into his old friend/nemesis Tony Blair!

Screenshot-10Tony is chatting up some old tart in a blond wig, Mr Brown ignores her and confronts Tony.

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I cant actually tell you what they were arguing about because I cant understand ‘Sim’ the gibberish language that these people talk but I get hints on what might be going down with pictures in speech and thought bubbles and if ever a picture said a thousand words then its this next one:

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Prophetic?

Mr Brown goes home in a huff and clogs the toilet up with a massive turd. He attempts to unblock it himself but fails due to being completely incompetent. He phones a plumber to come and fix it.Screenshot-18 A female plumber(wha…female plumber?!) arrives and forces¬† Mr Browns epic turd down the U-bend with a stick. Mr Brown, having no friends at all and being tragically lonely,¬† sees an opportunity to make a new friend and invites/forces the plumber to stay. They sit and watch tv in silence for about two hours:

Screenshot-19Finally Mr Brown lets the terrified woman go. He then decides to go for a walk to the park, in the dark where he sits on a bench, all alone again. Its a hard life for the insanely boring.Screenshot-21

On his boring walk home he decides to stop by and see his dear neighbour Tony Blair to try and patch things up, he needs at least one friend and if its gotta be Tony then that’s how its gotta be. Tony lets him in and they have a strained conversation about how Tony likes to play the guitar and that Mr Browns favourite band is ‘The arctic monkey’s’. But hang on a sec, look closely at the following picture. See anything wrong here?

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Lets take a closer look.

tony's rent boyWhat the fuck? It’s a teenage boy laying on Tony’s bed(I honestly did not set this up). In this world Tony is unmarried and has no children, so just bear that in mind. Ahem, Quickly moving on now.

After disagreeing with each other on many things:

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They finally find some common ground and Mr Brown invites Tony round to his place to watch tv (and get away fom the creepy bedroom scene)

Is that a look of affection from Mr Brown or a look of cold, calculating hatred?

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Maybe its actually the start of something beautiful though…

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To be continued…