Why do people drink Carlsberg lager?
If Carlsberg made lager it would probably be the weakest and shittest lager in the world, which it is because they do.
Whenever I see people drinking Carlsberg lager I always wonder to myself why they do it. After researching this conundrum for about 3 and a half minutes a bit ago while eating a sandwich(Coronation chicken from Morrisons, too many sultanas. It was basically a sultana sandwich with a bit of chicken in it) I have come to two conclusions;
1. People drink Carlsberg because they are unaware of its true nature. Its one of those lagers that everyone knows about, its probably that lager you asked for when you ordered your first underage pint in the local pub because you needed to think of something fast and the nerves kicked in and it was the only one you could think of. The deep green colour of the can or bottle conjures up images of fresh morning dew on forest leaves near some mountains and other things that look refreshing and make you thirsty. Turn that can around though and read the alcohol percentage and I bet most of the people in this category would be in for a surprise as they find out that Carlsberg lager is about as alcoholic as a bottle of piss. 3.8% alcohol content is actually less that some light beers. I used to drink Carlsberg and one day Clare and I bought a crate of it to drink with friends while we played a board game(Arkham horror, probably the best horror board game in the world). After about the 5th can it dawned on me that I was still as sober as I was before we started, none of that nice merry feeling you get with proper lagers. So I turned the can around to look at the alcohol percentage and there it was, the truth of the matter was presented to me. I started drawing one of those funny FUUUUUUU pictures but couldnt find a picture anywhere on the net of the back of a Carlsberg can because Carlsberg don’t want you to know. So heres an unrelated pic instead.
2. Some people are just cheap ass mother fuckers.
Sure Carlsberg is cheap but the problem is if you buy a four pack and drink them all and you are at some house party or BBQ you are going to need many more cans, so you also end up drinking a massive volume of piss water which makes you fatter and bloated. Do yourself a favour and buy a decent 5% beer and save money and not become a fat bastard.
‘Oh but I don’t drink it to get pissed or tipsy blah blah I drink it for the taste!’.
No you fucking don’t.
This is the only thing that Carlsberg could probably make the best thing in the world:
"I've seen things you people wouldnt believe..."
P.s. If you really like the taste of Carlsberg lager(for some reason) then heres how you can replicate it. Put 100ml of any 5% lager in a pint glass and then fill it up to the top with tap water and there you have it, home made Carlsberg!
Well.. I got Carlsberg because (firstly) I was having a house party, and yes I’m underage, and we needed drinks. So I got that.. Now, it’s after the party, and I’m acctually drinking a Carlsbreg at the moment, one of the many cans (of 4 different brands) I have left over..
However, I’m only drinking this at the moment because, yes, I like the taste. It’s better than most drinks taste wise in my eyes (the worst being that horrible stuff they call Strongbow) and so I drink it. So yes, I DO drink it because it tastes nice, so I’ve proved you wrong. Just sayin’.
March 13, 2011 at 10:33 pm
I’m afraid the only thing you just proved is that you have no taste.
You’re only young though so I’ll let you off.
March 15, 2011 at 2:10 pm
haha sweet post.
As a long time drinker i must admit i had a few pints of it the other night. Problem is a pint of Kronenberg etc is like £3.40 where I am and Carlsberg is £2.29 so i thought fuck this pub i’m gonna go cheap for once.
Now i’m not maths man but i did a rough workout
340 / 5 = 68p for 1% of ye pint
229 / 3.8 = 60.26p for 1% of ye pint
So carlsberg is better overall value wise, but you are right it does taste like toilet. Now if only my local had Heineken on tap
July 25, 2011 at 12:42 pm
Yeah, Carlsberg is quite possibly the worst beer that exists (although Carling must be close too). It has a sulphur taste not unlike the smell of a burnt match.
Stop drinking it.
Carlsberg export however, (or just Carlsberg in any other country that doesn’t get the same shite we get) is awesome.
Make that switch and be happy
)
August 5, 2011 at 2:36 pm
This was the EXACT post i was looking for when I googled ‘ Does anyone drink Carlsberg?’. As a football fan i have seen numerous teams sponsored by Carlsberg, seen shit loads of adverts, and can honestly say i would rather drink a tramps bed pan, than drink Carlsberg. As for the youngster who likes the taste, your argument is fundamentally flawed as all lager tastes like shit.
Thanks for confirming that Carlsberg is shit.
Cheers
Tommy
PS. On a further note, imagine working for Carlsberg and having to go to what is presumably a very weak structured and cheaply fabricated factory. Health and Safety would have a hypothetical field day.
January 4, 2012 at 10:16 pm